Scruff and His Enormously Bosomed Wife

Opposite me on the train a few days ago were a couple. They were arguing. Fantastic. He was battering away at his mobile phone buttons, and she was getting mad saying;

"Yous are gonnae brek that, daein that,"  pointing at the phone.

He was explaining forcefully that indeed battering the buttons was just the way to do it.

"Whit ye daein?"
"Gettin a menu, hauns off."
"Naw, you'll brek it, gie it tae me."
"Naw."
"Aye."
"Naw," etc.The most embarrassing bit was when he started playing his ring tone.
"Bom Chicka Wa Wa, Bom Chicka Wa Wa" from the adverts. I had my head down reading my book and nearly burst out laughing. I had to clench my teeth to stop myself.

They were a surprising couple. He was dressed very shabbily. And I don't mean like shabby chic. More like shabby shit. He looked like crap. Dirty t-shirt, old worn jeans, a week's growth of beard and hair in no particular order.

She, on the other hand, was very pretty, tanned, immaculate hair, immaculate clothes, fancy handbag, hands manicured to perfection and popping out of her low cut top were her enormous bosoms. HH?, JJ?, who knows?. I didn't want to ask. Well, I did want to really.

In between watching them argue I was trying my best to look anywhere but her breasts. Staring off into space, finding the passing billboards fascinating, something over her shoulder further down the carriage. Anything at all, but them.

Then suddenly....quiet. They both started phoning people. She phoned her office to advise someone she would be in within ten minutes and said:

"Have you all got enough work to do?" (very well spoken now).

What??  She's checking they've got enough work to do but she'll be there in ten minutes. God forbid they might be sitting on their asses for ten minutes. I have no idea what he was mumbling though it sounded sort of IT-ish.

Then at Partick without anymore conversation between them, he just got up and left. No wee kiss, whispers into her ear, not even a wave from the platform, like she was looking out for. Strange.