Tits Oot

On Friday I was on the train home from Queen Street and a woman got on at Charing Cross. 5pm on a Friday. I was expecting nothing weird.

She had a young baby in a pram, and she proceeded to arrange her bags, take off her coat and get herself settled in her seat, then she got the baby out of the buggy. I happened to have noticed that she was a lady of large proportions in the chest area. I'm a man. I see these things. She was also very attractive.

I was sitting against the window, an old man opposite me reading a book and a man to my right reading a large newspaper. She sat in the empty seat in our group of four and sat the baby on her lap. She chatted away to the baby for a couple of minutes.

Now, I wasn't expecting this.

She lifted her top with her free hand, pulled down her bra cup and squeezed a very large boob out and sat it there. She then fiddled with the baby a bit, moving it around on her knees, so her arm bumped her boob back and forth. She then arranged the baby and let it clamp on to her nipple.

The old man opposite me looked to his left and his eyes went wide. He quickly looked the other way, out of the window. The man to my right couldn't see shit as he was holding his large newspaper up in front of him, and he couldn't really just put it down so he could watch the show.

I couldn't really help but have a few looks, but as the old joke goes, the baby's head was spoiling the view. A couple of times though she did shift the baby so it became detached and she was left sitting there with her boob completely uncovered.

I can't deny it brightened up my train journey, and I'm hoping she gets on my train again. I think it's good that women can do this and feel comfortable enough to do it without fear of people asking them go somewhere else.

If there was some law proposed for this kind of thing, I'd vote for it.

That Woman Was In The Nip 2

As a young lad I did my duty and did a paper round. I did have trouble as I was usually the last boy into the shop, and the last one back, and had to be rudely awakened on occasion by the guy from the shop hammering on my front door. This is surprising as I lived only 100 yards from the shop and the first house on my paper round was my own and the round ended about 150 yards from the shop.

At one point I was given another round and delivered to houses in a more affluent area. In the winter months you’d walk around in the near dark shitting yourself at the slightest noise, but it also had its advantages.

One morning I walked up to a door, and was almost going to slide the paper through, when I saw movement through the small glass panel at head height. I knew someone was walking about inside and didn’t want to batter the paper through the letterbox and make them crap themselves so I respectfully held back a few seconds. And thank lordy I did.

I then saw the person walking towards the door. There was a faint light on inside, and I could make out she was carrying a tray with mugs etc. She was walking towards the front door to go up the stairs.

She was also only wearing her tiny white panties.

Yup, here I was a young lad watching some topless woman’s breasts bouncing around right in front of me. After she’d gone up the stairs I waited about 20 seconds then pushed the paper through and walked off feeling slightly uncomfortable.

On looking back on it, she must have thought she was so lucky to have just gone upstairs and just avoided showing the paper boy her tits.

There was also the time I walked up to a door and got a view right up the stairs to some female bending over and brushing her teeth in the skimpiest of night attire. Even better that it was one of the most sexy girls in my year at school. Please bear in mind I was the same age so this was completely legal.

I think I’m too old now for a paper round.  Bugger

Scruff and His Enormously Bosomed Wife

Opposite me on the train a few days ago were a couple. They were arguing. Fantastic. He was battering away at his mobile phone buttons, and she was getting mad saying;

"Yous are gonnae brek that, daein that,"  pointing at the phone.

He was explaining forcefully that indeed battering the buttons was just the way to do it.

"Whit ye daein?"
"Gettin a menu, hauns off."
"Naw, you'll brek it, gie it tae me."
"Naw."
"Aye."
"Naw," etc.The most embarrassing bit was when he started playing his ring tone.
"Bom Chicka Wa Wa, Bom Chicka Wa Wa" from the adverts. I had my head down reading my book and nearly burst out laughing. I had to clench my teeth to stop myself.

They were a surprising couple. He was dressed very shabbily. And I don't mean like shabby chic. More like shabby shit. He looked like crap. Dirty t-shirt, old worn jeans, a week's growth of beard and hair in no particular order.

She, on the other hand, was very pretty, tanned, immaculate hair, immaculate clothes, fancy handbag, hands manicured to perfection and popping out of her low cut top were her enormous bosoms. HH?, JJ?, who knows?. I didn't want to ask. Well, I did want to really.

In between watching them argue I was trying my best to look anywhere but her breasts. Staring off into space, finding the passing billboards fascinating, something over her shoulder further down the carriage. Anything at all, but them.

Then suddenly....quiet. They both started phoning people. She phoned her office to advise someone she would be in within ten minutes and said:

"Have you all got enough work to do?" (very well spoken now).

What??  She's checking they've got enough work to do but she'll be there in ten minutes. God forbid they might be sitting on their asses for ten minutes. I have no idea what he was mumbling though it sounded sort of IT-ish.

Then at Partick without anymore conversation between them, he just got up and left. No wee kiss, whispers into her ear, not even a wave from the platform, like she was looking out for. Strange.

A Tart in White Clothing

I recently watched the American street magician called Various on Buchanan Street. I've seen him loads of times and he is excellent. In the middle of one of his tricks, two young girls walked past, giggling loudly, whirled round to see what was happening and then stopped to watch. One of them looked a bit pissed and it was only 1.00pm.

She was dressed in white leggings, black shoes and some sort of white short shift dress with a hugely plunging neckline showing off her rounded breasts almost staying within the confines of her padded bra...that everyone could see. Oh, and a set of fluffy pink horns. Her and her friend were adding loud ad-libs to the show and Various said "That's kind of false advertising isn't it, you in a white dress".

It fell on deaf ears. Well it fell on stupid ears as she had no clue what he meant, saying "Huh? Whit?" very loudly. He said it again. Still didn't understand. Her friend leant over and whispered in her ear a bit loudly. "He means you cannae be a virgin if you're wearing white". "Whit?" She still didn't get it. Her friend had to tell her about four times what he meant and then Ping!, she got it. "Haw!!, haud on yous" (beg pardon?), she cackled and turned round quickly with her arms folded below her bosoms and stomped off for about three paces in a huffy (but fake) way and just turned back again, probably making sure her friend was in tow, which she was so she turned again, and left.

I think you want Newcastle, love.