What A Cult !

A few years ago a friend of mine got married. He was never much of a churchy bloke. He liked to fix cars and anything mechanical.

His family was quite well off and lived in a reasonably large house in the country. It was one of these houses that was dirty as they were just so careless about their property and belongings. In his bedroom once I saw numerous televisions and radios lying in pieces all over the floor and oily carparts on the carpet too.

Their garden was nice. Swimming pool and a church to the side. A bleedin' church. The church building was used a garage. I think it was about 7 metres wide by around 20 metres long. It was empty inside, a very high roof, and a large opening at the front where they drove some of their cars in.

They also had a family living at the bottom of their garden. Literally.

The far end of the church had been converted into a small house. It took up the last 5 metres of the building and had a wee door at the back. Those people were wonderfully friendly. I still remember one drunken night lying on the floor on the garage, some people were sat on small stools, and their homemade wine was being passed around. I think the guy took care of the garden for the family and they had lived  there for 20 years or so.

Anyway, as time went on, I heard rumours that my pal had joined a religious cult while away at University. His parents were worried as they couldn't contact him sometimes and when they did he seemed distant.

Sometime after we heard news of his impending marriage to his cult girlfriend. Exciting. What the hell was a cult wedding going to be like?

The wedding reception was to be held in his garden. The swimming pool was boarded over and a marquee erected in the grounds. I drove up to the gates and was met by the gardener, who was there to direct the traffic up the long driveway. Apparently the long time family friend, who lived on their property hadn't even been invited to the wedding but had been asked to direct traffic.

The wedding reception was as normal as could be after the ceremony in a very normal church in Govan, until later...

If you've ever seen Four Weddings And A Funeral, just picture the hippy couple who dedicate a song to the happy couple and sing with their guitar.

There were several weird people at this wedding. You could just tell they were from "the cult" just by looking. Quite decent people when you actually spoke to them.
Well, after the meal, there were a couple of speeches, then someone announced that a couple had a special gift for my pal and his new wife.

As they started strumming away at their guitars, and singing some weird religious song I didn't understand, I looked across the sea of guests and saw my best pal at sitting at the other side of the marquee.....staring straight back at me.

His look said it all.

"What the FUCK is this !!!!"

If you ever get the chance, go to a cult wedding. You won't regret it.