I Only Want To Shag You

Many many years ago me and my pals used to frequent a pub in Finnieston several nights each week. We got to be regulars without living anywhere near it. There was a reason we were in the area and we always finished up our night with a few pints in this pub. It wasn't a flash pub, but it was a sight better than some of the shiteholes around it. One of them had linoleum and metal tables from the 70s. We stayed out of there.

In "our" pub there was a man. He became our pal. We liked him. He liked us. I'll call him Jimmy.
We bought rounds for each other. Jimmy more so than us. He insisted on getting the rounds in. It was sometimes difficult to get your own drink in. He was a pensioner, but he seemed to have endless money for our drinks.

He would sit at his usual seat in the corner right beside the bar and shout "GAS !". This stood for Gin And Soda. The barmaid would promptly bring over the drinks.

One night my pal was up from London and he came out with us. There was a group of around seven of us and that particular night we were supposed to be getting to stay overnight in a church hall for some kind of religious thing that some of my friends had a connection with.  It was a night vigil or something. Five of the group had a direct involvement and me and my pal from London were told to just come along ..... "It'll be alright."

So after the pub we all went along for this wee sleepover in a church. At the door me and my pal from London were turned away, even though we were with the others and the woman at the door took offence to the fact that we'd had a few pints and told us we couldn't come in.

Later on my pal ended up back at the pub on his own, having a drink and then went to get a taxi.

Jimmy said he would get him a taxi from the taxi rank round the corner. So they both went out the door of the pub. My pal asked where the taxi rank was and Jimmy led him off Argyle Street onto a side street saying there was a taxi rank just round there.

As they walked round my pal could see there was no taxi rank and no taxi cab company anywhere so started walking back to the main road. Jimmy followed him closely and kept telling him that he'd get him a taxi. My pal was walking up and down the road, mostly to try to shake off Jimmy as he was starting to piss him off, but Jimmy kept following him.  Very closely.

This went on for a few minutes and Jimmy stayed right beside my pal and he got to the end of his tether and eventually just said to Jimmy...

"Look what the fuck is going on here?"

"I only want to shag you," said Jimmy.

My pal recounted this incident to me early on the Sunday morning when he turned up at my door and asked if he could have a word. As soon as he said that Jimmy had asked to shag him I realised I should have told him he was probably gay, but I hadn't thought there was any need to. My pal was a bit surprised that I knew already. So I explained to him.

For the year that we'd been going to the pub, Jimmy had been kicking me under the table and catching my eye. After kicking me I'd say "What is it?" and he'd shake his head and look away. Out of the whole group he'd only tap me under the table, no-one else. This went on for a few months and my pals noticed that when I went to the toilet Jimmy would make a point of getting up after me and going to. I usually went into the cubicle so I never noticed.

One night though I was standing against the wall peeing and Jimmy came in and wrapped his arms around me, clasping his hands across my stomach...my stomach thank God.

I froze. I pushed my elbows out and broke his grasp and asked him what he was doing and he said nothing and went to pee, so I went out. From that time on, I would never pee in there again. I used to go out of the pub to a lane across the road, but my mates still noticed that after I stood up, he stood up.

He never said anything blatant to me, but that incident in the toilet confirmed it to me. He probably wanted to shag me too.