All Five Wore Tracksuits

I picked up a free paper from the stairwell of my brother's flats in Partick recently, and I can't remember if it was the Glaswegian or not. Usually in these local papers they have little 'news' snippets, strategically placed around the pages to draw your eye to the less interesting parts of the paper. The snippets of news are normally reports of the various crimes that have been committed. There's alot of them.

This week must have been particularly busy as a whole third of a page was dedicated to the various assaults that had taken place at the weekend. I shall repeat them here, for they amuse me a little.

"Gang fighting. 17 year old boy arrested on Dumbarton Road at 1.50am on Friday. The teenager detained was wielding a large piece of wood above his head and had bloodstains on his clothes. When officers tried to arrest him he became violent".

I like to imagine that as the Police closed in, he shouted "c'mon ya bunch of fannies". Here's hoping.

Next up. "A man with two knives hidden in the waistband of his trousers was arrested on the same evening in Apsley Street. As police approached they noticed a black handle sticking out. They found it was a large kitchen knife. The second knife was smaller. The paper quoted the Police "As he was unable to provide an explanation for having the weapons, he was detained".

Really? So if he'd been able to come up with a plausible reason, he'd have been let go? What is the world coming to when the Police will let a man go who has two knives down his trousers just because he told them he was going to help the man in Chapati 3 to carve a particularly large kebab.

And this is the gem.

"Police were hunting five men who attacked and hospitalised a 39 year old man in Partick in mid July".

"The victim was attacked in Fordyce Street just after midnight. He was punched and kicked repeatedly before being knocked unconscious, suffering head injuries. Police say his attackers were white, 16-20 years old and all five wore tracksuits". A direct quote from the Police.

"All five wore tracksuits". That's all you need to know.