Seat Sniffer

Many years ago I was on a works Christmas night out with my girlfriend at a pub in Shawlands. It was her work night out. She worked for the council... as a joiner. A joiner. It did come in handy on occasions.

It follows then that all of her colleagues were men and I don't think they had ever seen her in a dress and were quite amazed, as she usually wore a boiler suit at work. I'm setting the scene. These guys weren't polite and reserved chaps.

The night wore on, the drink flowed. About halfway through the night my girlfriend was at the toilet and there was a bit of moving about between out group and the group next to us. About half of us were sitting round a couple of tables and there was a spare seat.

One of the guys went to sit in it and one guy held his hand up to stop him and said "Oh no, you cannae sit there, there's a lassie sittin' there". Very courteous.

The other man then did something I had never seen before and have never seen since.

He bent very quickly and with his nose to the material of the seat, ran a line from the front of the seat to the back, took a long deep breath in and stood up and breathed out slowly, and said "Aaahh".

The reaction was that everyone laughed, including me. What the hell was I going to do? Call him a pervert? In front of all his friends?