Half Price Hand Jobs

Some years ago I was working overtime on a Saturday at my office. My routine was to get in as early as possible, do a full 7 hours and get home for the early afternoon. This meant I would be up around 5am, train at 6am, in for 7am. You'd be amazed at the type of people that are around the centre of Glasgow at that time.

You can see the people still drunk from the night before, the homeless, the neds who can appear anywhere at anytime with seemingly no reason to be there, early morning travellers with the suitcases and the excited chattering, the people going to work, the people at work sweeping the streets and picking up the crap the drunk people dropped the night before, and then the others.

On one particular Saturday morning a few weeks ago I was standing at Central Station in Glasgow at the exit on Gordon Street. I had gone into the newsagents to get a newspaper and was going to walk the short distance to my office but realised I had about 15 minutes before it opened and looked round and saw a few people who caught my interest, so I stood against the wall and watched.

The people that caught my eye were a couple. They looked as though they had been on a long night out. She was dressed in a mini skirt as and other skimpy items. He was dressed relatively casually. An odd couple. They were talking to each other, but after only a minute she walked away from him, turned towards the station exit and started walking towards me. There were a few people around and I thought she may be trying to get a cigarette from someone.

This is the conversation as best as I can recall it word for word.

"Hi there"
"Hi"
"What are you up to?"
"Just reading the paper for a while, before I go to work"
"You going to work?"
"Yup"
"You work in town?"
"Aye, just a couple of blocks away"
"When you do you start?"
"Around seven"
"That's good you're going to work"
"Mmmm"
"I work as well"
"Oh right"
"I'm a working girl"
"Oh right......oohhh, right"
(pause, while she looked around, and I watched her)

"Are you looking for business?"
"No, I'm not, I am going to work in a few minutes"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure, I'm sorry I'm not interested"
(pause while she was considering options)

"Look, I've finished for the night, but I need some money for the bus home"
(finished working as a hooker after a whole night and no money for the bus? pimp?)

"Sorry, I'm really not interested."
"I really need some money for the bus home."
"I'm really sorry but I can't help."
(long pause while we both looked around. a rather awkward pause)

Suddenly intrigued I said... "Umm, what exactly could you do?"
"Handjob fiver, blowjob twenty, full sex forty" reeled off as quick as you like.

I never realised it was so cheap, but I suppose it's like the stock market and supply and demand causes fluctuations in prices.

I said "No, thanks anyway", and then she said the immortal words...

"I'll do it for halfprice"

A handjob for £2.50. Fuck me. That's a bargain.

I didn't.