This little occurrence was witnessed by a colleague on Tuesday evening in a B&Q store in Clydebank. He described the subject as a "wee bam ned" and being from Faifley himself he was more than acquanited with this type. His opinion not mine.
This wee bam ned was at the paint mixing desk and said to the girl behind it in his endearing Glaswegian dialect.
"Haw, whits that pure chocolate chip colour I waant mixed up fur me? That wan rer" he said pointing.
She couldn't figure out which colour he meant so he leant across the counter whining and pointing "That wan rer.....rer...cun ye see it?"
He leant back and stood up and to his horror realised the edge of the paint desk he has just leaned across was covered in.......paint.
He stepped back, arms out, looking down at himself.
"Aw naw, shite man, ya pure bastard". There was a straight line of white across his crotch of his dark blue trackies. Lacoste, Adidas, Nike.....doesn't matter.
"Fuck man, fuck man, ma new trackies man. Ther pure pentit". He had the pockets of his tracksuit in his fingertips pulling them out to the side, maybe trying to prevent anymore of his tracksuit becoming contaminated with the paint, but it only seemed to push his painted crotch forward.
New tracksuit. What a happy day.
for our non-Scottish visitors again, see here for definition of "bam"
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bam
Showing posts with label paint. Show all posts
Showing posts with label paint. Show all posts
Thursday, 4 September 2008
Thursday, 23 August 2007
Beef Jerky
I've never told my brother this so I think it may come as a surprise to him. I only just remembered it.
Fifteen years ago, I was helping him paint his new flat on the Gallowgate.
I was standing at a window on the first floor looking out to the road, and a double decker bus passed. The bus was nearly empty on the top deck except for a few people down the front and the man sitting masturbating three seats from the back. Need to read that again?
That's right. He was a fifty year old guy whacking off on a bus.
Unfortunately for me, but fortunately for you reading this, the bus stopped right in front of my window. He was beating himself to a steady rhythm, but then I noticed some new passengers "coming" up the stairs. When they came up he quickly flipped his cock away under cover of his long beige flasher mac and sat very still as if nothing was amiss. The two people sat down completely obvlious to the guy and his seedy deed. The bus then "pulled off" and he was gone.
It struck me that I had a brilliant view of what he was doing and it had clearly not crossed his mind that he was driving past flats. And the funny thing, he had a small cock...that I do remember.
Fifteen years ago, I was helping him paint his new flat on the Gallowgate.
I was standing at a window on the first floor looking out to the road, and a double decker bus passed. The bus was nearly empty on the top deck except for a few people down the front and the man sitting masturbating three seats from the back. Need to read that again?
That's right. He was a fifty year old guy whacking off on a bus.
Unfortunately for me, but fortunately for you reading this, the bus stopped right in front of my window. He was beating himself to a steady rhythm, but then I noticed some new passengers "coming" up the stairs. When they came up he quickly flipped his cock away under cover of his long beige flasher mac and sat very still as if nothing was amiss. The two people sat down completely obvlious to the guy and his seedy deed. The bus then "pulled off" and he was gone.
It struck me that I had a brilliant view of what he was doing and it had clearly not crossed his mind that he was driving past flats. And the funny thing, he had a small cock...that I do remember.
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