Golf Range

There's a golf range close to me and I went for the second time last night. Took the kids along as it's great fun battering the balls about. Most of my friends play golf and go abroad for a week just to play and have a bevvy. I'm not part of that elite crowd though.

Having never played golf in my life I thought I'd be shite and would be slicing the ball everywhere or missing it. Imagine my surprise when I managed to hit it straight for 150-200 yards almost every time. It's a piece of piss. Very satisfying.

The golf range is in a leafy suburb of Glasgow and the carpark was filled with Mercs, Audis, and other executive style cars...and an L-reg burgundy Nova. How that must piss them off.

I'd picked up a couple of clubs for a fiver each in Braehead at the weekend.

Onto the range and the kids started popping out the balls and I was impressing them with my hits.

A few minutes after we got there a skinhead in a Metallica t-shirt came in with a bag of clubs and set up in the next stall behind me. Soon after we were deafened by a huge bang, and a ball landed at my feet. The stalls are covered by a tin roof which is about 10 feet high and protrudes about 4 feet out beyond the stalls. He had been using a driver and managed to hit the ball straight up the air and hit the roof. I moved stall.

Next in was a procession of well-to-dos in their soft comfortable shoes, pastel coloured slacks or cotton shorts, t-shirts and checked sleeveless jumpers with little logos on the chest. I overheard a conversation between two pals who each had just returned from holiday. Florida and Italy. Then one guy's son is telling how he got all A's in his exams. I'm surprised they let me in here.

One small woman dressed appropriately in a soft yellow jumper and check slacks looked very good, big bag of clubs, all with their little hats on. Until she tried to hit the ball. It wasn't just a practice swing. You don't take five or six practice swings surely.

Then there were the guys who were only hitting the ball about twenty feet. I had to suppress the urge to laugh out loud.

So get down the golf range and watch the "experts" play.