Two Mankers in WH Smith

I was in WH Smith in Central Station today and had the misfortune, or indeed fortune to stand behind two absolute manky women in the queue, while purchasing my half price book. I say women in the loosest possible sense.

The first 'female' had on a huge white t-shirt which pulled tight at every conceivable point on her top half, she was partly bearded and her arse was I believe around 3 feet wide. Now 3 feet wide seems like an exaggeration. Get a ruler and lay it out 3 times. That's it. I stared at her ass thinking "That is fucking huge....I wonder how huge it actually is" I then pictured my 12 inch office ruler placed across in ass in succession and I got 3 times, so 3 feet across. Her lower half looked as though she had a large inflatable rubber ring under her cheap leggings. She may have done, but I really doubt it. It was all her.

The second ''female' had on some weird pink plastic looking raincoat, and her bleached blonde hair was combed in one of the most peculiar ways I have seen. It was sort of combed into sections. The fringe was combed down from a straight line across her head about 3 inches back from her hairline. The top middle section was combed straight back and straight back down the back, flat against her head, with a wee hair clip pulling it together slightly. Two sections on either side were combed down vertically over her ears.

She may have thought that looked natural. Maybe the hairdresser told her that, right before he said, "That's you done hen, that'll be £2.99".

In each ear she had 6 gold hoop earrings. I say gold, they were coloured gold. They looked cheap as shit. They must have been if she could afford 12 of them. I was trying to avoid getting seen staring at her while I counted them and just took in the whole ensemble.

Her hands now. On each hand she had several sovvy rings decorating her fingers, except for the two fingers that were held together by the double finger ring that spelled out her name "Shirley" in three quarter inch high dimpled gold letters. For fuck sake.

Her left hand, or wrist was strapped in a blue device, not a plaster cast, but a solid strap that circled her wrist and was held with many bands of velcro. She probably hurt it when she was battering fuck out of someone. Maybe while trying to imprint "yelrihS" into someone's face.