It was a Sunday morning back in April this year and I was driving along Maryhill Road on my way home. My journey had already been screwed up on the way out because of some bleedin' charity run where they have thousands of people running/jogging/strolling on the road where the cars are driving, rather than the pavement supplied. I'd already been on a big detour through Possil.
It had quietened down by midday but there were still a few stragglers around and people resting beside the road...on the pavement. Some were walking home or back to their cars.
I saw some teenage girls at a bus stop in running gear of sorts, t-shirts, shorts etc. I had a look as one might but it wasn't their thighs that caught my attention. No, it was the sign that one of them was holding up.
It was a painted t-shirt with the slogan hand-painted onto it...
"Honk if your horney"
I couldn't honk. I was too busy pissing myself laughing, crying to myself. "Fuckin hell, spelling and punctuation. Dumb bitches"
Disclaimer:- any punctuation or grammatical errors within any of my posts will be found by me ..... at some point in time. Sometimes the spellcheck doesn't work, or I'm a bit pissed.
Showing posts with label Sunday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sunday. Show all posts
Friday, 29 August 2008
Sunday, 13 April 2008
It's 1.30am And This Just Happened
I was typing up my last blog there when I heard some screams from out in the street. Now it's 1.30am on Sunday morning.
I flicked the lights off in my wee blogging room and ran up the stairs to see if any wee bunch of cunts was vandalising my car. I slipped a couple of fingers into the gap in the curtains and gently created a gap, covertly, so as not to create a sliver of light, hence enlightening the aforementioned wee cunts to my presence. I'm a dab hand at this.
I could see nothing, so I opened it up a bit further. My eyes flicked left, my eyes flicked right, then my eyes flicked left again. And I saw a figure beside one of my neighbour's cars. I crunched my eyes and peered into the darkness, but there was a streetlight feet away so the person quickly became clear to me.
It was a woman sort of crouched over the front of the car with her right hand resting on the bonnet to give her balance. I wondered if she was being sick, then.....
I saw her bend down and grab a handful of white..stretched between her ankles, which when she moved I saw in the light. She grabbed her knickers and then I realised she had been squatting in the street to take a piss. I looked closer and realised I could see a faint sheen on the road below her.
She was wearing quite a skimpy short dress as it was, but she'd hiked it up around her thighs and the split in the skirt was riding up to her waist.
She grabbed her white knickers and wriggled them in wide circles left and right to get them back up her legs, and staggered a little against the car. Her friend was standing beside her all this time while the guys in the group wandered off around the corner, clearly not allowed to see the process of one of the girls pissing. There's no need, there's websites for that.
As I realised she was finishing up with her little visit I thought, she's doing this under a streetlight, she must be crapping herself in case someone sees her but she must be that pissed to do that in the first place she can't care too much anyway.
So I thought to myself, I remember in my drunken younger days when I used to pee up in alleys I was always wary in case someone saw me or caught me. I did have the Police shine a torch on my cock once in Sauchiehall Street in some bushes. But I couldn't stop peeing and they kept the torch on me until I came out of the bushes. Thanks for that.
With this feeling in mind , I battered my knuckles against the window quite ferociously and as loud as I could, as I thought she's a wee bit away and might not hear me. Oh she did.
As soon as I started knocking on the window, her hand moved faster to get her knickers up around her snatch and she set off running with her friend in their high heels.
I was pissing myself as I watched them running and looking over their shoulders. In hindsight I should have creeped out the front door, down the driveway, and flicked on my big torch right at her face, blinding her, so as to really confuse her, and make her shit herself in the street as well.
I flicked the lights off in my wee blogging room and ran up the stairs to see if any wee bunch of cunts was vandalising my car. I slipped a couple of fingers into the gap in the curtains and gently created a gap, covertly, so as not to create a sliver of light, hence enlightening the aforementioned wee cunts to my presence. I'm a dab hand at this.
I could see nothing, so I opened it up a bit further. My eyes flicked left, my eyes flicked right, then my eyes flicked left again. And I saw a figure beside one of my neighbour's cars. I crunched my eyes and peered into the darkness, but there was a streetlight feet away so the person quickly became clear to me.
It was a woman sort of crouched over the front of the car with her right hand resting on the bonnet to give her balance. I wondered if she was being sick, then.....
I saw her bend down and grab a handful of white..stretched between her ankles, which when she moved I saw in the light. She grabbed her knickers and then I realised she had been squatting in the street to take a piss. I looked closer and realised I could see a faint sheen on the road below her.
She was wearing quite a skimpy short dress as it was, but she'd hiked it up around her thighs and the split in the skirt was riding up to her waist.
She grabbed her white knickers and wriggled them in wide circles left and right to get them back up her legs, and staggered a little against the car. Her friend was standing beside her all this time while the guys in the group wandered off around the corner, clearly not allowed to see the process of one of the girls pissing. There's no need, there's websites for that.
As I realised she was finishing up with her little visit I thought, she's doing this under a streetlight, she must be crapping herself in case someone sees her but she must be that pissed to do that in the first place she can't care too much anyway.
So I thought to myself, I remember in my drunken younger days when I used to pee up in alleys I was always wary in case someone saw me or caught me. I did have the Police shine a torch on my cock once in Sauchiehall Street in some bushes. But I couldn't stop peeing and they kept the torch on me until I came out of the bushes. Thanks for that.
With this feeling in mind , I battered my knuckles against the window quite ferociously and as loud as I could, as I thought she's a wee bit away and might not hear me. Oh she did.
As soon as I started knocking on the window, her hand moved faster to get her knickers up around her snatch and she set off running with her friend in their high heels.
I was pissing myself as I watched them running and looking over their shoulders. In hindsight I should have creeped out the front door, down the driveway, and flicked on my big torch right at her face, blinding her, so as to really confuse her, and make her shit herself in the street as well.
It's amusing to see them all run away laughing at 'just being caught'. I bet she wouldn't be laughing if I got some prints lifted from the bonnet of that Honda and a swab of DNA from the street.
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